dorkypantsuit

"I meant-" he starts, cutting in rather abruptly. He didn't need to imagine what kind of responses that would garner over the radio, and he didn't want Papyrus imagining it either. Really, what he wanted was for the conversation to stay focused, and he'd noticed Papyrus had a tendency to derail things rather quickly.

"Why you didn't ask Sans instead of coming to me. He's your brother, isn't he? Wouldn't it be easier to go straight to the source instead of waiting for a letter?"

"Have you... met my brother?" Papyrus asks, eyesockets squinting as if Psi is a too-bright light. He glances away, shaking his head. "Going to Sans for answers is an exercise in futility. And I get plenty of exercise, I don't need that!"

Even he can recognize when he's derailing the topic, sometimes. So he continues, "Sans hates being honest. He hasn't changed that much."

The Psionic slumps in his seat. Even with family Sans was like that? Maybe family didn't mean the same thing to monsters that it seemed to mean to humans. He rests his chin in his hand, staring at the table.

"Your brother... He's really messed up." and he doesn't mean it as an insult, despite how it sounds. His voice is only filled with concern. "I'm guessing you know this, but he drinks a lot. He's only gotten worse as he's been here. And he says terrible things about the Ringmaster all the time. It's like he's looking for trouble."

"Would that were a surprise! You would think he gets enough fights being the warden, but no," Papyrus agrees, audible resignation underlying forced lightness. "Okay, so that stuff, he has changed. With being here alone, dwelling on... everything."

He pushes food around his plate for a minute, deciding what to say. "You're not 'friends' like that, but I can see you're concerned about him. I appreciate it. And share your concerns! So, uh... How much do you know about why he's stayed here, even though he's... Well, a boiling pot of unhappiness?"

He shrugs, looking unhappy and even more concerned. It seemed Papyrus was as clueless as the rest of them. Whether that was a sign that Sans was too evasive, or that Papyrus didn't have a clue he wasn't sure. Probably a bit of both if he thought about it.

"He never really says... He doesn't tell anyone anything." he rests his elbows on the table, slumping over and staring sadly into the distance. It's overdramatic, but Psi's never been good at hiding his feelings. When people he knows suffer, he feels that suffering too. It reminds him too much of his past, seeing people hurting and lost like that.

"I thought since you were family, maybe you being here would help." Perhaps though, it only made Sans even angrier. Joker had been ever more paranoid since Snake's arrival, with Sans could it be the same? Was he even more anxious now that he had Papyrus to worry about? Psi can't relate to the feeling, his home was just as dangerous if not more deadly than the carnival. If his friends appeared, he'd actually feel they were better off for it.

He rests his forehead in his hand, sighing in frustration.

"He was talking to me, about how he felt bad because of this vampire stuff, and I just shouted at him and ran away."

He was so stupid sometimes. He really was a worthless pathetic troll.

"I'm sorry I probably just made things worse."

"Huh? Why would you blame yourself for that? Things are already bad, how could anybody attribute a cause to any of it? Except for the vampires. They made it worse."

There's probably a few sort-of valid reasons why Sans doesn't go to his brother for this sort of thing, and this sort of thing is most of them. He's got little patience for anybody feeling sorry for themselves, not even himself.

He lets out a sigh, rests his elbows on the table despite the deplorable manners of it, and scratches at a cheekbone. Everybody knows the best way to distract from feeling upset is to focus on something else. Time to change the subject!

"I thought, maybe you were more than friends... Because I hoped maybe he'd found somebody to confide in!" Also the way that nobody else ever said to stop picking on Sans... but, then, back home, Sans had always been wittier and quicker with a deflection than just about anybody.

For a given value of wit.

It'd been obvious for a couple years that something was wrong, but...

"He starts talking to me, sometimes. But he always shuts himself down. I know some of what's wrong, but not why he's so weird about it."

He looks to Papyrus, the same morose look still on his face.

"If someone who has a hard time being honest tries to open up to you, and you shout at them, what do you think they odds are of them trying a second time?"

He wasn't blaming himself for actions the vampires took, but for possibly creating even more distance between himself and Sans. Incidents like that could make a person distant not just from one person, but from others as well. Sans was distant enough already without the Psionic messing things up.

Edited 2017-04-26 14:32 (UTC)

"Hmmm... They might feel inspired, by the honest emotions that the yelling shows! Even if those emotions are unclear. I would."

Papyrus glances around, doublechecking nobody's listening in on them. The coast is clear, and he leans in to lower his voice and confide in his boss.

"But... It was a challenge, even for me, to reach this point. I don't take others' words and actions personally... Isn't Sans the same way?"

It sure seems like Psiioniic doesn't think so. Maybe this is another way where his brother keeps secrets, that he's just seemed that way, but with a vulnerability extending to more than his HP.

The glance around makes Psi curious, and he leans in conspiratorially as well. The question ends up being one that surprises him, it's something he has to spend a moment thinking about before he can respond.

"I don't think anyone is completely immune to the actions of others... We all have things we'd rather not face."

Still, when it came to Sans specifically, it was hard to say just how hurtful he found other people to be.

"I think... Sans pretends those things don't bother him, but..."

It was just complicated, by so many different things. He leans back with a sigh as he thinks of a way to explain things. He'd had a similar conversation with Lambert not to long ago, but he hadn't gone into much detail. With Papyrus maybe it was okay to be a little more up-front.

"The last Warden was... A totally different person than Sans, so when Sans became warden it was kind of a shock. Some people were... Less than kind about it."

Even he hadn't thought much of Sans back then, but he knew how hard it could be to be forced into a position you didn't want or might not even have been ready for. It was upsetting to see so many people willing to judge the skeleton before he'd even been given the chance to do anything. There weren't as many veterans now, so it wasn't as big of a problem, but that didn't mean thinking back to that time made him any less upset about the whole thing.

"It's just my opinion. I might be totally in the wrong. But I think Sans has a certain amount of resentment because of that, so it's hard for me to believe people's words don't reach him even if he pretends to ignore it."

If Papyrus weren't bone-pale, he'd be turning paler at that concept. As it is, he shivers enough that his spine gives a slight rattle.

"Unflattering comparisons... Not measuring up to somebody's legacy..."

If his brother's been harboring the same kinds of fears and doubts about failure that King Papyrus has occasionally wrestled with... the supervisors' abductions, everybody's fighting and injuries, might have proven all those doubts correct.

"...Okay! I think I begin to see the problem!! Worrying for people is hard enough. Worrying for them, when they don't believe in you, that's even more hard. And then... the vampires..."

Papyrus rests his chin on his hands and thinks for a moment. Well, obviously, Sans' reaction is to get drunk, stay drunk, and commit relatively harmless crimes. Not exactly the kind of thing to improve anyone's opinions of him, not even and especially not his own opinions of him. Story of his brother's life.

"How do you convince somebody to think good things about themselves...?"

It's muttered, a talking to himself tone of voice.

The shivering is another surprise. He doesn't know what Papyrus' is thinking, but he can tell it's something that bothers him. He thinks, from the sudden understanding Papyrus shows that the Psionic must have hit on something personal, but whether it was something personal of Sans' or something of Papyrus he isn't sure.

He doesn't say it out loud, but a part of him isn't even sure worry for others comes into the equation with Sans. Sans didn't seem to give others much thought when he took action. It's not as though Sans didn't want to do good, but rather that it was for less personal reasons. The Psionic isn't sure about that though, and he doesn't want to say something that might offend Papyrus or through the taller skeleton off track. Still, with Sans it always felt much more big picture than that.

He pushes the thought aside, shrugging in response to Papyrus' question, even if he's only asking himself.

"You can't really. You can be there for them, you can remind them you think good of them even if they don't, but there's no way you can really force someone to change."

"Huh?? Are you a mindreader?"

Papyrus starts as he asks, no sarcasm in his voice: it's like he's surprised to hear the question answered. Sometimes he forgets his indoor voice is simply too loud for his internal thoughts to stay internal, but what's done is done. He rushes on without a chance for Psi to respond.

"Then you should already know, that I already know that. Forcing people to change is terrible. Futile. You can't force somebody to change for the better. Without the solid foundation of them wanting it and believing it themselves... it'll never last! But inspiring them, reminding them that they're great, so maybe they realize the benefits of changing themselves... that's completely doable. I do it all the time!"

That was basically his job description as king. Everybody (except, possibly, Papyrus) knew that Sans was seeing to the administrative side of things, the paperwork and tracking of various things to make the nation work. Not that there were too many, as even distractable Asgore had run things well enough. Papyrus, as king, primarily served as a figure of reassurance and hope for people who'd lost too much already.

"I'm not stuck on trying to change anybody. I'm stuck because Sans doesn't act the same anymore! So I can't tell if my encouragement is helping. One time it failed very badly. Nobody wants a repeat."

He doesn't know about kings, monster problems, or why Papyrus thinks he's a mind reading. The thing that catches his attention is that last bit there.

"You used to be able to encourage him?"

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